I don’t know why but, today I woke up in a funk. After to 2.5 mile bike ride to work I felt a bit better. As I as driving to my first stop I realized I could smell the flowers in the air. I never noticed it before.
I guess that’s how it is when your’re stuck in a deep depression. For years I was so caught up with the things that were going on in my head that I didn’t see how amazing the world really is. From Where I live I can ride a few miles in any direction and be in the mountains or in a city.
To top it all off, after a ride I get to come home to texts from someone really special. Keep in mind that it’s very hard to make me smile. Somehow she manages to get me to do it a lot. The only other times I smile are when I’m on set or riding my bike.
So right now I have three things in my life that remind me how lucky I am. Making movies with my best friends, riding my bike till my legs hate me and her. Before you ask, yes I still deal with depression everyday. I have learned to recognized when it’s coming and stop it in it’s tracks. Even when I can’t all I have to do is look at a picture of my kick ass girlfriend or jump on my bike and the world melts away. Even if its just for a few seconds, it’s enough to remind me that I am bigger than this.
I’ve talked to a few people who deal with the same issues I do. Most of the time they tell me that they felt like no one understood what the feel. Well guess what! Everyone may not understand it but there are people out there who do. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I’m all better. I fight everyday just to get out of bed. The trick is to surround yourself with people that will be a positive influence.
I could not have done it without you guys. I look back on it. I tried to die. I tried my ass off. Something kept me here. When I was in the hospital I learned a lot. So many people that I thought were my friend we so quick to walk away. The ones that did stick around are the sole reason I’m sitting here writing this today.
Even the new people I meet are quick to judge. The ones that don’t are the ones that I let in my circle. With all that being said the following people deserve a huge thank you. Will, Tony, Niki, Adriana, Cruz, Reko, Kat, Blair, Rick, Sonny my entire family, everyone at work and last but not least anyone who reads this long ass post.
Before I get to work promoting Newlywed and Broke. I have one last thing to say. We all go through shit, never forget that there are people out there who love you. And Mom, where ever you are I miss you and I love you.