I’ve spent most of my life hating myself. From the way I look to the way I felt. I’ve always been the “fat” friend. I can’t even begin to explain how it feels to look in a mirror and hate the person you see.
I wanted to turn heads, to be noticed. This quickly developed into the need to be noticed. I was determined to be seen. I changed the way I dressed, became a musician, blah blah blah. Nothing worked. I always felt like I was overlooked.
When you take feeling like shit all the time and add in a very toxic relationship, you start to hate everything. It got so bad I eventually tried to end it all. Honestly, overdosing on anti anxiety meds was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.
Coming so close to dying can change How you see the world. Don’t get me wrong. Trying to kill myself was a very stupid drcision to make. That being said, I see now how much I really have. From the most amazing friends to something called “talent”.
Working n Henchmen and Newlywed and Broke has also shown me what I have. Who could be stupid enough to throw it away. Killing yourself doesn’t stop things from getting worse, it stops things from getting better.
I’m at a point in my life where I’m happy. That doesn’t mean that I’m content at all. I still consider myself fat. Even though I have lost 65 lbs in less than a year. I want to be able to keep up with life. That means digging deep into myself and getting shit done.
I’m dead set on getting below 220 lbs before summer is over. From there I want to be no heavier than 200. Let’s see how this goes.