Sleep Just Won’t Come

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Everything has just been building up lately.  I find myself getting frustrated very easily.   I’m really not sure why.  Maybe it’s self preservation, maybe I just don’t care anymore.  I just can’t do it.

I’m done losing sleep over people that obviously only care about themselves.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I don’t walk away from things easily.  Lately, that has not been the case. 

I try to find the beauty in things but sometimes the negativity overshadows it.  I honestly feel like I don’t have a voice sometimes.  I’ve given up on more than one person lately.  Trying to keep a dying friendship alive was like screaming in silence.  The entire thing revolved around going out drinking every night. 

I won’t lie, it was fun at first.  As I started to realize that things were going downhill, I found myself drinking to numb the pain.  It killed me knowing that the friendship was dying.  Knowing that you have to give up on someone you considered family sucks.

One good thing did come out of it.  All of this newfound free time allowed me to reconnect with a few people I haven’t seen in years.  One in particular, has been through many of the same issues that I have.  I hate to say it but the is only ONE person who I feel won’t judge me for what I’ve been through. 

Knowing that I can be open about my depression,  the hospital stay and the daily struggles really helps.  

Other Side of Me

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I stare at the kid in the mirror
Is this who I’ve become
All the pain and the fear in my eyes
A flash of hate in my eyes

It’s not supposed to be like this
Stuck in a place
The world is leaving me behind
Its like a living time lapse photo

The words hit like bricks
Sticks and stones
Blah blah blah lah
I know it doesn’t work like that

Take it all in and bottle it up
A ticking time bomb of hate
Just waiting for a break
The perfect moment to realease

Everything I’ve heard
Over and over and over
You’ve changed into something
That no one wants to see

A different peron
Holding nothing sacred
I’d like to introduce you to
The oter side of me